sorry

To my family

I am sorry if I hurt any of you in the last post. I was upset and frustrated and was not very nice. I am sorry. I love you all.

family frustrations

So I am moving in two days and it has been planned for three weeks that mom will come and help me on friday and dad and my brother will come on saturday to load and move everything. Well then my brothers girlfriend wanted to come and that meant three vehicles, so then mom wasn't going to come. Then this morning my mom calls to tell me she is coming even if it means that there will be 3 vehicles because she doesn't want to cause conflict and put my brother in the middle of it. But yet it is apparently okay to put me in the middle of it since I have recieved calls from basically every member of my family complaining about the situation and wanting me to deal with it even though I am no where near any of them. I also do not understand why my sister is involved and is so uptight and stressed about it when she has nothing to do with the moving and has never planned to come and help so it does not affect her plans at all. As much as I love my family there are times when I wish I could just walk away and no longer have a family. But then I miss them and I love them to much to leave them.

So I move in two days but I am not sure exactly how it will work or who will be here to help maybe I should just sell all my stuff and move back to the coast on the Greyhound so that there is no conflict for the family to deal with and no one is inconvienced or left out.

hurt and confused

I am amazed at how you can be friends with someone for years and then discover that they really do not know you at all. They have a version of you in their head and chose to remeber things that you say and do to support this vision rather than actually listen to what you are telling them. Since doscovering this I have been analysis my friendships and the views that I have of people and I can not honestly say that I know all are 100% acurate, but then I guess that is the thing - you do not realize you do not know someone until something happens. Although even with the events of the last while I do not know if this friend realize that the image held of me is not acurate. While I was enlightened that this person does not know the real me, is this person being enlightened that they do not really know me? I do not know. Sorry I realize this probably sounds very strange and crazy, but hey that is me so what do you expect.

I am reminded of the song by Jaci Velasquez that goes "This is the real me, am I the girl that you want me to be? This is the real me, Can you face it, Can you feel it, Can you take it, Can you deal with, The real me" (and yes for those of you who know the song there is a line missing because it does not fit with what I am saying). I have spent the last few years discovering for myself who the real me is and I must say I was rather hurt to discover that my friend (maybe more??) does not know who I am.

Now I must get back to packing, oh that is right I am going to watch a movie and have some fun instead. Take care and God bless.

Finally something to do

So the SL marks finally arrived so I have been able o finish most of my stuff for work there is a bit that I will have to leave up to my partner to do on her own though but it should not too bad.

Packing is moving so slowly, I had forgotten how much I detested packing. I do not mind moving I just hate the preparation leading up to the packing. Oh well it is part of life.

Further than that my heart is breaking for my friend and her family right now as they are going through so much. I wish that I could do more to help, but I will do what I can and that is pray and let God have control of the situation. Please join me in prayer for this family.

I am getting super excited to move back home and reconnect with family and friends - I feel like I have been gone for so long. I know that I have changed in many ways but I am still the same as I always was just older and more sure of myself and my path. It will be interesting to see how everyone else has changed over the past four years as well.

where did it all come from

So I am starting to actually feel like I am accomplishing something. Yeah. Other than that not much is new except that I forget how steep of a hill MacIntosh is then I walk up it and remember. It feels great to be able to walk to and from campus though, very refreshing.

One other question, who brought stuff into my house while I was away because I am pretty sure that I did not have this much stuff when I left. I am not sure where it all came from. I think that I will blame Adam though, it feels like a good day for everything to be the cousins fault. Love ya anyway Adam.

Well talk to you later
God bless

too much free time

So far it has been a very frustrating week. First not having a computer at home sucks, I had not realized how much I used it and for how many different things. Oh well I can survive for another week and a half. Secondly, there is nothing that I can do for work since all the forms are saved on my partners drive, that I do not have access to, and she has yet to show up as things keep happening so that she can not make it. This would not be that big of a deal were I able to progress with the non computer side of things. But we have not recieved the rest of the marks in yet and those that I do have I already have done all I can with them. We do not have marks yet since neither I or my boss were around much for the past month to make sure that they were sent, since the department, as per most, have to be hounded to keep up with requests.

So nothing has been happening on the work front and little has been happening on the school front since I am having trouble finding the motivation. Ah well I will buckle down and get it done. It is very easy to procrastinate when you do not have much to do, which is unusual for me. Usually I can not procrastinate much at all since there never is a later in which to do things. I most definately prefer being over busy to having little to do especially since I can't even catch up on sleep since I have none to catch up on.

Oh well I am having a nice time relaxing even if relaxing is driving me nuts. Soon enough I will be too busy to know what to do with myself again; and for a bit I think I will actually appreciate it but then I will want a day to do nothing again.

On a further note I have entered the world of facebook, I know finally gave in. So if you are on there look me up.

Take care and God bless.

out of place in Kamloops

It is so weird to be back in Kamloops and know that this is it. I have been having very mixed emotions about moving back home. I still believe that it is what I am supposed to do but there is so much here in Kamloops that I am going to miss.

I am at the school now, since this is the only internet access that I have, and am trying to motivate myself into getting work done. So far it is not working so well although I have checked my emails and am now posting here.

There is not much new with me other than remembering how much work packing is. I forgot how much stuff I had so I am trying to sort through things and get rid of stuff that I do not have any need for rather than pack it down to the coast with me. I am trying to organize my packing so that as my things are in storage I will be able to easily find what I am looking for if I find that I am needing something that is packed away. It is an interesting time.

Yesterday was miracle sunday at church and we had a visiting pastor from Glad Tidings in Chilliwack preach, he was amazing. Listening to him it is easy to see why Glad Tidings is succeeding so well, God is there and is the leader not man. Both services yesterday were amazing and I am very glad that I was there but it was weird I no longer feel as though I belong at BTC which was further confirmation that I am supposed to move on to the next stage in my life. The church that has felt like home for so long no longer does, it was a very weird experience. I realize now that I was a place in my life where I needed to be ministered to and not have a leading role. These past four years have been a time of searching and learning who I am and what I believe and as such I was in a position of needing ministering rather than giving. I now believe that I am ready to reenter the ministry realm. I was talking to the Children's pastor at the coast about becoming invloved with the sunday school again once I am back down there. He was very open to it and apparently there is a position with the grade 4's opening up this summer and that is the age group that I would love to work with the most. God is good, he keeps giving me these signs of confirmation that I am heading in the right direction and he is preparing the way for me. I am so excited to see what will come next.

Love you all, take care and God bless.

going back to the 'Loops

Hey all

So I am heading back to Kamloops in a little while, once my ride gets here and we get packed up. It feels very weird to know that this will be my last trip to Kamloops for a while and that I will be paciking everything up while I am there. It feels weird but right, this is what I am supposed to be doing.

Time is flying so fast it is hard to believe all that has happened and all that I have done over the last few years. Sometimes I feel like I am watching a movie of someone elses life or am having a dream and will wake up soon and discover that all this has not actually happened and I am still a little kid. In some ways that would be great but for the most part I do not want to live my life over again or go back and redo anything since everything that has occured has made me who I am and I rather like who I am. I will continue to live life to the fullest, follow God's leading, and have regrets as I begin this next stage in my life. I am excited to see what happens.

Love you all and God bless.

back in Canada and I have no clue what time it is

Hey everyone

So I am back in Canada and my body is totally messed up with a combination of Jet Lag and cold. I woke up around 3 this morning wide awake even though I had not gone to bed until 11. We will see how the rest of the day goes and hopefully I can get onto a normal sleeping schedual soon.

I have decided that I will spend June in Kamloops finishing up SL stuff and school work. Also packing up my apartment. The weekend of June 21 I will be moving back to Maple Ridge and will spend the summer between my parents and my sister's places, which will be rather interesting but should be enjoyable. I will be taking care of my nephew since my sister is done her materninty leave and if I look after him daycare can be put off for a while longer. I am excited to take care of him since I have already missed so much of his life and do not know what is coming next to know if I will be around for much of his years to come.

After the summer I will remain here on the coast working part time, doing my last two courses through Open Learning, and participating in the internship at the church (as long as I am accepted). That is roughly the plan for now although I am sure that it will change at least a little bit as time progresses.

Well that is all for now but give me a call or drop me a line cause I want to see you all.

Love you and God bless.

coming back to Canada

Hey all

So I have made it to the airport and have about 7 hours to wait until my flight leaves. I will be able to check in for the flight in a couple of hours until then though it is killing time and shopping.

I am glad to be coming home it has been fun but I am ready to return to my real life, if there is such a thing.

See you all soon, I will be in Maple Ridge until friday then will be in Kamloops again. Will post more specifics later.

Love you all. God bless and take care.