Feeling rather lonely today. It has been one of those days when I really dislike being single. I know that I do not need a guy to complete me but still it would be nice to know that there was someone to spend my friday night with. It seems like everyone around me is pairing off and I am feeling left out. I ask myself what is wrong with me? Then I am reminded that God is in control, not me, and it will all work out in His time and I have to be patient. There are days when I really feel ready to be married and start a family then other times were I definately am not.
I think that part of the problem is that I am the age that my sister was when she moved in with her partner, although they did not get married for 5 years, I am the age that she was when she settled down and so I think that subconsciously I am feeling like I am behind again. I think that it is all coming back to comparing myself to me sister and feeling insecure and not good enough because I am not her. I then have to remind myself that this is an issue that I have taken care of before and it is not for me to reawaken all the hurt associated with it. When I start feeling as though I am going to reopen the door on hurts that I have dealt with already I turn it over to God and tell him to answer the door and deal with Satan. I need to remaember that it is not mine to deal with God can.
I know that there is someone out there for me that is hand chosen by God and when the time is right I will meet him. Until this time I must focus on my relationship with Christ and allow him to direct my path. Living in communion with Christ is the way to fulfill all my desires.
Well that is all that I is my insight for the day and I am feeling better for having written out my thoughts and in doing so reminding myself that I am not in control but God is and He has a plan for me that is greater than any plan I have for myself.
Perhaps I should have put a warning label on this one that it contains some rather intense theology and reasoning. Oh well guess you will all have to suffer through it.
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